Samhain Publishing Ltd Weblog

Romance & Passion 101

While I highly recommend reading stories filled with romance and passion, reading about it should not be a substitute to having those things in your life. Never fear, even if you are currently unattached and not dating, there are lots of simple ways to keep romance and passion alive and kicking.

If you frequent other places I blog, you know some of this already. For those who haven’t visited or want a refresher, read on to benefit from what I’ve learned through endless hours of backbreaking research.

Flirt
Have you ever noticed the confidence and mood boost you get from flirting? Something as simple as a wink from a member of the opposite sex can turn your whole day around. I love to flirt! The most important thing is to know where the line is drawn with your chosen flirtee.

Self-Confidence
Nothing is more attractive than someone who is self-confident, especially if they are sexually self-confident. When you have sexual self-confidence it’s easier to relax and fully enjoy the experience. Both your body and mind are active participants instead of letting your thoughts be distracted by perceived faults.

How to get confidence—change your internal soundtrack. Get rid of the negative tapes, chose a positive mantra, and then own it. Confidence can melt away perceived flaws! Get to know your body and become comfortable with yourself. Then take a look at your nonverbal language. What is your body saying about you? How do you walk into a room? Is your head held high and your posture good? Do you make eye contact? All of these factors affect vibes you’re putting out. Also, figure out what gets you in the mood. I recommend reading a hot and steamy book then just let go. You can’t be uptight and sexy at the same time—the two don’t go together.

Talk Dirty
One of the great things about people is we are all different and our tastes differ. Dirty talk is not for everyone, but you may find a bit of steamy dialogue will increase the passion. I recommend working your way into this slow and easy. If your partner responds well to mild things whispered in their ear, then gradually increase your naughty pillow talk. Don’t make the mistake of using words you are uncomfortable with. Doing so will make you tense and your partner will likely sense your apprehension. Try practicing on yourself in front of the mirror. Another thing that works for some couples is to read an erotic romance together, either by reading aloud to one another, or reading separately and discussing what about the story turned you on.

Love Nest
Transform your bedroom into a romantic retreat. Being in a romantic atmosphere can help set the mood. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. Something as simple as different linens can make a big difference. Splurge on some high thread count sheets that feel good against the skin. Try different textures. Warm and sensual colors. Drape sheer, gauzy material over the headboard and windows. Lower the lighting.

Add some fragrant candles or fresh flowers. Oil diffusers and sachets are great too. Seduce all the senses. Cinnamon is an aphrodisiac. Vanilla is familiar, relaxing and welcoming. Peppermint oil is invigorating. Jasmine is sweet and soothing. Gardenia, sandalwood, rose also are sensually seductive scents. Most important, get the TV out of the bedroom. His attention should be on you when in the bedroom!

Toys
Open up the nightstand drawer. What’s in there? A collection of miscellaneous junk that’s accumulated over time? It shouldn’t be. Especially for the unattached. Here are essentials that should be in your nightstand.

• Sex toys you both enjoy (and fresh batteries)
• A blindfold
• Erotic reading material (Try reading sexy scenes aloud to each other)
• Lube and massage oil (If using condoms choose water-based products)
• Other toys to suit your tastes (A feather, silk scarves, maybe a set of restraints—whatever turns you on.)

Hot Spots
Take the time to learn your partner’s hot spots and you’ll increase the passion. Here are a few less obvious male trigger points you may not be familiar with.

• Neck – A major hot spot for men is on the front of the neck at the thyroid gland (located just beneath the Adam’s apple). Massage this area with your tongue in wide circular motions. Be prepared for the resulting frenzied need this action will spark.

• Fingers – Even if he works with his hands and has tough, calloused skin, the tender flesh between his fingers and on the pads is very sensitive. Suck a finger into your mouth, twirl your tongue around the digit, slide your lips up and down its length. Men are very visual creatures and he’ll get the added benefit of picturing receiving the same attention to other areas.

• Lips – Kissing his lips may seem obvious, but an often overlooked trigger point is the outer curve of his lower lip where it meets his chin. Give this a try the next time you kiss him and send your lover strait into make-out bliss.

• Nipples – Some men love to have their nipples manipulated, while others are highly sensitive and can’t stand it. The only way to find out is through exploration.

• Do a little online research and learn how to find and stimulate his frenelum. If he’s not skittish about his backdoor, you can give him great pleasure by learning to stimulate his prostrate gland.

Role-play
Often sex becomes routine or becomes secondary to the other commitments in our busy lives. A great way to bring back the fun and spontaneity is through sexual role-playing—taking on roles to carry out a sexual fantasy.

How elaborate you make the scenario depends on what you and your partner feel comfortable with. You can go with something simple and spur of the moment or an elaborate costumed scene. While many of the most common sexual role-plays involve one partner taking power, any role you desire can be assumed.

What matters is choosing a scenario that both partners find exciting and are comfortable with, then relax and have a good time. Explore parts of yourself that you may normally keep suppressed by blurring the lines between fantasy and reality.

Some popular role playing scenarios…
Teacher/Student
Slave/Master
Delivery or Repairman/House wife
Artist/Model
Escort or Stripper/Client
Doctor/Patient
Picking up a stranger

Your brain is your most powerful sex organ. Be creative and seduce your mind by getting your creative juices flowing. The sky’s the limit when you play safe and unleash your passions!

Pay It Forward
Some times the smallest efforts can totally change things up. Remember the movie, Pay It Forward? Perpetuate a small, random romantic gesture for another. The boost they get may get them thinking and acting. They may even pay it forward by performing a random romantic act for someone else. And they’ll pay it forward… You never know. It could catch on. It can be something as simple as leaving a flower on someone’s desk or putting a sweet note in your partner’s briefcase to let them know you’re thinking of them.

Do you have ways of bringing romance and passion into your life that work for you? If so, please share your ideas. I love learning new ways to keep things fun, romantic and sexy.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope some of the ideas I’ve discussed will have you bring more romance and passion into your everyday life!

Nicole Austin
Sex With Sizzle
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