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The Dreaded Doldrums

For several days I felt tired and unable to write. I mentioned this condition to my wife and she said perhaps I was feeling “down in the doldrums.” I had heard that phrase before but never really understood exactly what it meant. So I set out to learn about the doldrums. The dictionary described this as “a state or period of inactivity, stagnation, or slump.” Having an overactive imagination I felt that there was more to the doldrums than that simple explanation. I began searching.

Looking under my writing table one day I spotted five or six gray jelly-like masses. Getting on my hands and knees I studied the objects. Using a broom handle I poked at the strange looking things and suddenly one of them shifted and to my surprise I saw two beady black eyes and a mouth filled with sharp tiny teeth.

“What are you?” I asked.
“I’m a Doldrum you silly ass.” The thing replied.
“What are you doing down there?”
“I’m feeding.” It answered.
“On what?”
“Your energy, your drive, your get-up-and-go.”
“Go away.” I said.
“Nope, here to stay.” The thing said laughing in a hissing voice.
“How do I get rid of you guys?”
“You can’t.” It sneered at me. I knew there must be a way. I sat and thought then the solution appeared to my small, anemic mind. Sitting at my keyboard, carefully avoiding putting my feet too close to the ugly, whatever’s, on the floor, I began working on some “wips” I had long neglected. Typing at full speed ignoring typos, misspelled words and the laws of grammar I worked as fast as I could. Groans and angry mutterings came from below the table. The faster I typed the louder the sounds were.
Finally exhausted and void of ideas I kneeled down and searched the floor. Several small wet spots was all that was left of the Doldrums. Since that day I haven’t seen any Doldrums anywhere nearby. Now, at least I know how to keep them away, work.
Lionel A. La Vergne, Judgment at John’s Hollow published October 16, 2007