Samhain Publishing Ltd Weblog

Isn't It Romantic?

I’m glad Valentine’s Day is over. Honestly. And it isn’t because I’m one of those woman who dreads v-day as “Singles Awareness Day”, either. I’ve been happily married for almost eight years.

The truth is, I hate Hallmark holidays. Yes, I know the history behind Valentine’s Day is longstanding, blah blah blah, and that Sweetest Day is the real Hallmark holiday. But to me, any holiday that forces someone to try and be romantic is a Hallmark holiday, meant to sell candy-filled cardboard hearts and pricey love cards, most of them not even printed on recycled paper.

Do I sound cynical? Maybe I am. But I’m a cynical romantic.

I just believe romance shouldn’t be scheduled.

I know, it’s the typical feminine you-should-read-my-mind response: “If I have to tell you, then it doesn’t count!” But stereotypes have to come from somewhere, don’t they? There is something about the element of surprise that makes romance… well, romantic.

Flowers are nice. Cards are nice. Candy is… well, fattening. (If it’s chocolate, though, that’s an immediate override.) Still, any of those things given on a socially pressured romantically-induced day? Eh. Not so exciting. I mean, sure, nice… but romantic? No. Not really.

Romance, you see, is bigger than that.

And it’s not just about the surprise, either. Romance is even more complicated than that. Because he can come in with court-side seats to a basketball game and a brand new gift-wrapped set of hubcaps – for his car.

“Surprise!”

Right. Some surprise.

Romance is spontaneously selfless. It’s thinking about someone else and acting on that thought. It’s also about taking chances, making yourself vulnerable, and exposing yourself. Um… well, not in the ‘flasher’ sense… although I can think of a few situations where that just might count as romantic! (grin)

A man who buys you roses and chocolate and gives you a card on Valentine’s Day is sweet and thoughtful. But is he romantic? I don’t think so.

A man who stops and picks wildflowers from the side of the road on the way home from work in the middle of June and remarks, “They were so beautiful, I couldn’t help thinking of you…” as he walks in the door…

(melt)

Now we’re talking romantic.

Even better are the times when it goes beyond spontaneous and leaps into risky, when I can tell he’s been listening and paying attention to the whims and call of my heart. Maybe even more than I have. Those acts are a true gamble on his part, and because of that, they are the most amazing.

One of the most romantic things my husband ever did was to tell me to close my eyes and hold out my hands (this was in the middle of my doing dishes, so I grabbed a dishtowel and did as he asked…) and then spilled a bunch of seeds into them.

“What’s this?” I asked, even though I knew already, somehow.

“You’ve been talking about planting a garden… here are the seeds to begin.”

I just stared at him, my heart melting. I’d mentioned it a few times, in passing. But here he was, making it real, in the palms of my hands.

“There’s a bunch more in here,” he said, holding up a gift bag.

(swoon)

A man who knows me? A man who listens? A man who pays attention and takes leaps of risk over tall doubts in a single bound to give me a gift he’s not 100% sure about, but he thinks, maybe…? A man who does that spontaneously, outside of a greeting-card sanctioned holiday?

Now that’s romantic.

So when I say I’m glad Valentine’s Day is over for another year, I really mean it. It’s not that I don’t appreciate thoughtfulness on any day of the year – I do. But thoughtful doesn’t necessarily equal romantic. And what I really want, what I crave, what feeds my soft and open feminine heart is romance. True romance.

And now that “Singles Awareness Day” is behind us for another year, I’ve got 364 more chances to experience some real, spontaneous romance in my life.

What’s that? Oh right… I forgot.

Well, at least there’s 246 more days until Sweetest Day…