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You write what???
The other day my seven year old son walked into my office while I was updating my website. He stared at the computer screen for a few minutes, perplexed, and then asked: “Mom, who is Jess Dee?”
Turns out he’s seen the name a few times, and has no idea why it keeps popping up in my office. Now, the truth is, he has no idea who Jess Dee is. He knows me by my real name, and as Mom. So how do I explain that Jess Dee is not only his mother, but an author who writes erotic romance?
The last time I blogged here at Samhain, I mentioned that my in-laws were staying with us, and I had gone to great lengths to hide my writing persona from them. Pity I haven’t gone to such extremes to hide my other self from my children. Okay, fair enough, my seven year old has only just turned seven. His reading, while advanced for his age (of course it’s advanced, he’s my son) is still fair to poor. He is not going to be picking up a book by Jess Dee anytime soon and paging through the contents.
But…what happens when he is older, when picking up an erotic romance is not just a curious action of a young boy, but the developmentally appropriate lusting of a teenager? Yep, he’d probably prefer the lovely, shiny pictures he’d find in a magazine to a soppy romance, but heck, if it has sex in it, won’t anything do? Even a love story?
How do I then explain to him, that: “Yes darling, Mom did write that book? And yes, I did use all those naughty words. And yes,” will nod the affirmative, “I do know what sex is.”
Isn’t it a fact that parents don’t know about sex? Certainly they don’t indulge in the activity. I know my parents never did. Ever. Their four children were all quite incidental to their marriage. (Although I do still wonder sometimes how we got here.) How can I possibly explain to my son that actually, yes, parents do know about these things, and more than that, this particular parent writes about them.
What is the average adolescent boy to do? Grab as many of his mother’s books as possible and show every other adolescent boy he knows the “good bits?” Or grab as many of his mother’s books as possible — and bury them?
I’m glad I still have time to come up with a solution or two. I figure I have a good six or seven years on my hands (and please, don’t disillusion me about that. Even if it’s a fantasy, it’s my fantasy, and it keeps me calm.) But if you do have some advice, or some personal experience, I would love to hear it. Any counsel or wise words of wisdom will help.
Jess
Hmm, if anyone has an answer for this I’d love to hear it. I told my 8 yr old daughter that it’s safer not to use your real name on the Internet (okay, pen name taken care of). However, she doesn’t yet know what I write.
You know what? When my kids ask, I’ll tell them. Hell, they’ll find out the first time they see “D.N. Lyons” on a book. They’ll look at me incredulously, and ask “Is that really you, Mom?” And I’ll say proudly:
“Yes, your mother writes fantarotica. Read it when you’re older, you’ll love it!”
I took my four year old to Wal-Mart the other day, and as I was browsing the paperbacks, the kid kept asking in a VERY loud voice, “Is that Tease Me Please Me? Is that Tease Me Please Me? Where’s Tease Me Please Me?”
I feel your pain. And I have to stop mentioning my book titles around the young’uns.
No words of wisdom, just…
Good luck with that one! :)
Thank God I have two boys. All I tell the nine year old is, “Mommy writes kissy-kissy huggy-huggy books” and he runs screaming from the room. Hopefully, that will work on the little one, too. Not sure what I’m going to tell them when their older, though.
My barely teenage niece, on the other hand, is already asking me for a copy. Argh. She’s giving me puppy-dog eyes while her mother gives me The Look. You know, the one that says, “Lie to my child or I will make your life Hell.”
I write under my own name, romantic suspense, not erotica, but with plenty of sex and graphic language. My girls are too young to read but I’m really not anticipating a problem. Maybe I’m wrong, but by the time they’re interested (I was 11 when I picked up one of my mom’s romances) they’ll probably say “You wrote that? Eew.”
Sex was always hush-hush around my house growing up and I don’t want to be like that with my kids.
I’ve been more worried about my other relatives. I almost died when my mom read my first book. She thought it was really risque. Now my GRANDMA is reading it. And she likes it! The idea of them disapproving was worse than their actual reactions. Being open feels good for now.
Jess, I hate to tell you this but in just 5 years he will be 12 and probably in the 7th grade. Guess what?
He will know far more at that point than you could even guess at now.
I don’t think there are any easy “one answer fits all” for this.
Play it by ear, and by how that knowledge is being spread through your family. And don’t rush into a too quick answer.
Telling him it’s a name you use when writting on the internet might be enough for 2 or 3 more years.
Like Joy said: Good Luck!
sandie
No words of wisdom here.
I don’t have kids and it took me several months after publication to tell my mother. LOL I’m still not sure that she understands what I write. My mom is not a reader and has never read a romance in her life.
Aah, thank you everyone for your commiserations and your advice.
I’ve been nodding my head a lot here, thinking, yep – I can relate to that.
Also been nodding my head thinking, great advice.
And once or twice I shook my head and yelled out loud in fear. LOL.
There’s no way out of this, is there?
I wish I had some advice. My eldest (4.5) knows that I’m a writer and that I write things for grownups but I know have less time than I think to find a way to explain exactly what I do write and knowing her personality she’ll be wanting to read my books by age 9 at least. I’m shuddering just thinking about it :)
Here’s what I always used to tell my 9-year old daughter when she asked what I write about: “It’s all about THE LOVE, honey!” That used to turn her away pretty quickly! LOL Nowadays, things are beginning to change.
I had a hard time getting her to read anything, and nothing I’d written would qualify as appropriate for a 9-year old. She finally showed some interest in the Goosebumps series. So, I wrote a “Goosebumps” type of story just for her, starring who else—her (oh, and a plethora of zombies)! She was thrilled with that.
So nowadays when she asks what I write about, I tell her, “Writers write anything they want to honey. That’s what is fun about it. It might be love, might be murder, might be scary…anything. The important part is to write AND READ about things that affect us all as human beings…the things we dream about. It’s how we learn what we think about it.”
IF YOU’RE LOOKING for a free read today (not for kids!), download Welcome Home from my website. http://www.readmoore.com/free_reads.htm THAT ONE is about “the love.” LOL
Like Dana, all I had to say for a long time, when my kids asked me what kind of stories I write, was “Two people fall in love and get married.”
When they were old enough to catch on why my brothers-in-law were teasing me about “Chapter 10”, I told them frankly that they would be allowed to read Mommy’s books when they turned 18, and not a minute before.
Now, my daughter’s 21 and works part time as a waitress. She tells her co-workers proudly that I write porn. ROFL Hey, it gets me free drinks and VERY good service every time I go in there! :)
Hi Jess!
I don’t have any great pearls of wisdom. I just discovered erotic e-books last September. My son is 15 and he could care less about these books. He is into video games and maybe the occasional hottie on TV, but that’s about it. He never reads unless it’s got pictures or he’s forced to do it.
My husband rolls his eyes that I like reading steamy books, but he’s enjoyed the benefits… heh heh. :D
As far as advice – go with your gut feeling. How much sex do your kids see/hear about on TV, at school, in magazines, etc…? Are they ready to know more? Talk to them and gauge their reactions.
Good luck!
Valerie
As hard as it is to talk about, if they are old enough to ask the question, they are old enough to know the answer. And it’s better they learn about such things from you than on the street.
Oh boy. Mine’s three and I’m not dealing with this yet but I know I will have to. At the moment she knows enough to recognise my book and point it out. “that’s Mummy’s book” she says, a little promoter in the making :),
The plan is I’ll tell her things gradually, when she asks, in non-explicit terms. Then by the time she actually understands what I’m talking about she’ll think it’s all just gross, which might buy me a few more years before she actually asks to read something I’ve written. Like someone else said, I worry more about parents and aunts etc. at the moment, because they’ve already got their opinions and they struggle to fit ‘erotic romance author’ into the image of who their child is.
Thank you so much, everyone for your wonderful feedback. I laughed out loud at some of your stories. And then again, sighed and acknowledged the inevitable in others.
It is awfully comforting to hear we ALL share the same concerns. Some of us (you) just handle it way better, and way more creatively than me.
BUT – and forgive me for this – I’m still holding on tight to that three to five year gap I have before I have to tell the truth.
And then I promise, if I have any success in my task, I will share it with all of you.
Thank you again for taking the time to comment and share your advice.
Jess
Hi Jess!
My son is almost 4 and I think it will be a while before he asks anything, but I plan to be as honest as I can and answer any questions he might have, but I want to make sure it is age appropriate. I know I want him to feel comfortable asking me anything. My parents didn’t take to me and learning things from other kids isn’t the best way! lol
I have an almost 7-year-old boy. He knows I write, but not WHAT I write. Now I’m scared… Great topic!