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Resolution
I tend not to make New Year’s resolutions. I rarely even try to keep them and I was raised an Italian Catholic. We do guilt well and I was sick of irritating myself by feeling guilty. Also, why do you have to wait until then? I mean, what if right now, I see what I need to do. Can’t I have a July resolution? And why can’t it be something like, live life better, or see Paris again? Of course, I am a military brat and wife, so I will admit I need some kind of event, something to keep me on track for goals, so I came up with a new outlook. Follow me after the jump to find out what it is.
I needed a new way of branching out, stepping out of the safe box where I had been residing for the past few years. See, I had this great idea, but lacked the skill and the drive to get it done. I’d been playing with it, won a few contests with it, but I hadn’t done what I needed to do, and that was write it. As many people know, my personal life in 2007 resembled a train wreck. Even after I promised myself that I wouldn’t do it after the last hospital stay with my youngest DD, I fell right back into those patterns, pleasing other people, not looking out for myself. I believe in helping people, but when it comes at your expense, either in your career, health or personal life, you need to take stock and change directions. And I decided I would try my best to do that.
I wanted to do something once a month, one small step. It started with little things, taking delight in time spent with my kids—I’d missed that-and OMG, watching movies and TV. It is still a minimum but I do get some entertainment in my day to relieve stress. I adopted another dog daughter(I’d lost my 15 yr old baby during the YEAR FROM HELL) and started walking. But then came the big one, and that had to do with my career.
That box I was sitting in was taped up with that extra tuff packing tape that takes a sledghammer to get rid of it. And worse, I helped with the tape. I wasn’t taking chances, and that wasn’t like me at all. So, my resolution was clear. I had to take back control of my career and doing that, I had to decide just what I wanted.
There is a particular series that I have been working on and off for about two years, and finally, with the help of some friends, I forged ahead. It has been difficult, and not to mention mentally painful. I haven’t written a 90K book in awhile and the whole feel of it is different. And, when I really started in on it, I realized this was one of the reasons(although there are a few others) that I had not been able to really write in the last few months. These characters are ready for their time and I just have to give it to them.
I also discovered that I had been doing what everyone else wanted me to do with my writing, but me. I’d been the big ol’ donkey girl scout that I have always been, and tried to please everyone but me. Now, though I know that without listening to my inner creative spirit, I could kill it off.
So, my new system is easy. Whenever I feel suffocated, I take a day and figure out why. When I do I work to get rid of it, to please myself and my family. If I feel I am losing touch with the kids, I schedule a day of fun for us. If I think I’m to stressed, I take a day to get a pedicure or read a new book. And if my husband—who deserves a medal for helping me through the last year—feels ignored, I try and do something to…er…for him.
It seems simple, easy even, but it isn’t. It means letting some people down, it means not always meeting THEIR goals. But, if you live your life by someone else’s standards, you will never be happy.
So, if there is one thing you wish you could do let me know in the comments. It could be write a book, take a trip, spend time with friends or family, take an hour out for a pedicure…big or small. Everyone who answers gets a choice of anything in my backlist, STILL IN PRINT, in download. I will pull a name tomorrow morning at 9 am Eastern(so alls you all overseas get a chance).
Congrats Melissa on all the changes you have managed to accomplish. It takes a lot of guts and ‘hard to get’ self discipline to do what you have. You have my admiration.
With 5 kids and 13 grand kids I find myself in a similar position with very little time left for the things I want to do. At least I have no aspirations towards writing anything but posts. Writing stories has to be incredibly difficult.
Right now I would settle for a bit more time for reading. My to-be-read stack is about to bury me. Although I have been making some progress in balancing my time and getting some reading done.
sandie * an addicted reader *
Great post, Mel. Good on ya for knowing your limits and sticking to your resolutions. And as for that book…well, I know you can do it. :)
One thing I wish I could do… see Scotland and Ireland. I LONG for that. Maybe someday, eh?
Sandie-
One of the most commented on articles I have written was one about feeding the reader within. That for authors, you need that to help you keep on track, keep the creativity going. My TBR pile is getting better but there is soooo much I know is coming up and want to read, lol.
Michelle-
ME TOO. That is a long term goal for me since this series has a lot to do with Scotland. I’m trying to convince my husband that a 40th bday present would be to go to Scotland but he isn’t buying it.
Melissa, I am a big advocate of everyone taking ‘me’ time when they need it. Without it, you begin to feel put upon, resentful, stressed and you become much less effective.
I’m a better friend, daughter, sister, whatever when I have been able to take time to fulfill my own needs and re-energize.
Great blog, Melissa!
Jen-
Thanks and you make an excellent point. IT is so easy to lose yourself in doing for others. You cannot enjoy doing those things for other if you are resentful.
Melissa, all I can say is GOOD for you! And SO good for your family! Hmm… I’m trying to think about what kinds of “wish I could dos” I have… I do think it’s terrific that you’re trying to remember to make time to enjoy your family in the here and now—I think I tend to put off doing the fun things sometimes, because they’re messy or a bit of work to arrange or I’m in the middle of something else. I think I’d like to try to say “yes” to more of those so that my kids (AND I) will have some of those fun times together and remember enjoying them later. I wouldn’t mind seeing Scotland either, but I’m not sure my husband’s buying either ;)
Well you definitely deserve an atta girl! With my son home for the summer, my house is on testosterone overload, and I would love a me day. A massage, pedicure, manicure and facial sounds heavenly.
Fedora-
Me too about the arranging. I like to have everything planned out(Cappy here) but my husband is more easy going(Cancer there). So we tend to fight over how scheduled everything needs to be. And that makes it harder for me to plan.
Thanks, Cathy and I know the feeling. My two kids are driving me bonkers.
One thing I did during all the moving crap and stuff, was make sure I had a pedicure and massage. Les gets time off for moves, so I left him with the packers and went for away for a few hours.
Even with him gone 16 days in April, with movers showing up in May, this was one of the least stressful moves ever, and I think a lot of it was me. That pedicure and massage went a long way, but so did the attitude.
Right on, Mel! Change is the hardest thing to do and I know this is going to be a kick-butt series. I know you can do it.
I always have wanted since a little child to tour the pyramids of Egypt. Someday I will do this!
Thanks, Steph. It’s scary, but this is the best i have felt in years about my craft.
Laura, I have always wanted to go there. Traveling is one of my joys, probably left over from my childhood. But, I learned not to let it all pass by. My grandmother always wanted to see Paris and never made it. I do not want that to happen, at least without trying. I have already come up with a list of places we all want to see and we vote on vacations and day trips. Like, I knew my husband had always wanted to go to Memphis so I worked it in on our move. He has always wanted to see Graceland and he loved it. It gave me such satisfaction that he enjoyed it so much.
I would love to go to a beach somewhere and just relax, listen to the waves and read a book.
Sounds like your priorities are where they should be now, Melissa. There are so many women (maybe some men, too) who take care of everyone except themselves.
You mentioned getting a pedicure, and it’s a small thing, but I always feel better after one for some reason. I haven’t had one for two years though and the crazy thing is that I have a gift certificate for one, I just have to find the time to DO IT.
AnnaLisa-
I love to listen to the waves. I am not always the biggest beach person(I had multiple bad burns as a kid and now try to limit my sun exposure) but I do miss that from Hawaii. I loved driving the H3 to Kanehoe. When you get through the mountains, it is one of the most beautiful views, just all that Pacific Ocean…ahhh.
Cynthya-
Isn’t that the truth about finding the time? It is just insane trying to figure out when you can have some me time. Of course, I am lucky. We moved into a house here who has a woman who does pedicures. Just takes a minute to walk on over there.
Cathy, you won. I had a big long post but for some reason, the blog won’t let me post it and there is nowhere for me to find out why.
So, you have my email, or just hit me on my site.
Thanks again, everyone, I really enjoyed reading everyone’s answers.
Mondays I feature an author each week with fun stuff and prizes. Be sure to hit my blog on Mondays!
Take time to enjoy! That’s what I wish I could do. With the hectic schedules of everday life there’s just not enough time in the day.
My daughter are headed towards 17 and 14. I saw a child in the park yesterday about the age of three and almost shed a tear. It seemed so long since they were that small. So my wish…I guess would be to spend as much time with them as possible. They have been my muse in writing my first ms. I wouldn’t have started writing again without them.
My oldest will be leaving for college next year. It feels as if time moved so quickly and I know the little one’s time will come just as fast. So yes, Have more time to with the girls. That’s my wish.
Hi Melissa, this was so inspiring to read too because there is things I’ve been thinking of recently that I wished I could do, is a little vacation. We’ve haven’t taken a vacation as a family ever. We’ve only did a day thing once a summer but even over the last few summers, its been nothing because of everyone’s schedule and now they are growing up and off. So my wish is that we’d have one day together a week, even if its only a dinner so that we can be with each other together and have that time for laughter.
Well as usual I am late but what do you expect from a woman that it took her mama 4 days of labor to have me, I just wanted to say CONGRATS on your new outlook on life and more power to you. What I would like to do is to take a vacation with just me, My dear Husband and daughter.Where we could get away from it all. But our life has been so hectic and our vacation days not together but next year my resoution is to take the week of the fourth together.
I wish I had your will power. When somebody asked for something I just get up and do it. On vacationI leteverybody chose what to do.
Thanks so much Melissa. I have a couple of your books still on my wish list, so will zip you out an email.