Samhain Publishing Ltd Weblog

Not the Scheduled Blog Entry

me: Listen kid, I have to blog.
kid 3: You promised to turn on the sprinkler and you told me I couldn’t do it because last time it went in all the windows and—
me: okay, okay.

five minutes later…

me: oh, jeez, who left the gate open! The dog is gone! Damn! Let’s go get the dog. Tell the neighbors.
neighbor: Your dog came into my house.
me sorry! thanks!
kid 2: I need a ride now.
me: Oh, look, I left the window of the car open. Dagnabit, the seat’s all wet. Grab a towel. One for me too, please? Let’s go.

fifteen minutes later, back home again. . . phone rings.

kid 1—at friend’s house: I was going to get a ride, but that friend left without me. Can you come get me?
me: Give me twenty minutes. I need to post this blog about the inspiration I get when I write at home versus the Starbucks.
[for some reason, I can’t seem to work at Starbucks. I’m the only writer I know of who has trouble producing novels surrounded by strangers. I was writing about how nice it is to work with my family around me]

kid 1: I gotta go. Mike’s mom is going to work and doesn’t want him home with pals.
me: I guess that party where you guys smashed Cheetos into the rug didn’t go over well, huh?
kid 1: Just come get me, please? And I forgot to eat lunch, I’m starved. Can we stop and get something? Please?
me: no. We can’t afford to stop at Taco Bell all the time and the food is terrible for you.
kid 3: Do I hafta come with you? I want to go in the sprinkler.
me: Let me ask the neighbor if she can just keep an eye open, okay? Just, remember, don’t turn up the water.

Thirty minutes later, back home again.

me: Hey, boy 1, get back here and carry in your Taco Bell trash.
me: BOY 3!!!! You turned up the water! Oh no! There’s a puddle in the family room!
kid 3: I didn’t turn up the water. I just moved the hose a little bit because it was going on the driveway and we don’t want to waste water.
me: We don’t want to water the family room! Get a towel and a mop. We got to clean this up. You have to. I have to GO BLOG AT SAMHAIN.
kid 3: where’s the mop?

five minutes later, we find the mop which is upstairs in boy 2’s room for some mysterious reason

kid 3: Where’re the clean towels?
me: Don’t use the clean towels! Stop! Hey!

twenty minutes later.

me: I can’t post this article. It’s full of lies. Lies! Lies! Oh, God. Look at the time. It’s after five and I was supposed to post at three!
kid 1: I don’t know why you’re all wigged out. It’s not like you do anything all day but sit in front of the computer.
…..curtain….