Samhain Publishing Ltd Weblog

The Vultures Are Circling

With the holidays looming ever closer, I recently made that dreaded trip to Wallyworld (eh, dread is really not a strong enough word to describe it cuz I’m not your typical woman—I despise shopping of any sort) and noticed the parking vultures were soaring in droves. Really, I understand there are lots of reasons for needing a closer spot, so it doesn’t matter to me…well, unless a person’s blocking traffic while waiting for a spot to vacate. ( wink ) But I even get the sport of it—occasionally, my hubby performs the stalk-and-swoop method of parking-spot searching because he’s a competitive kind of guy who vulture-circles to see if he can “win” that closest spot. Heehee

But me, I’m one to pull right into an empty spot way off on the horizon. For one thing, I’m impatient. I want to get in and out of that store ASAP, and to me, wasting time searching for a close spot only delays the pain of the task ahead of me and squanders part of my day. Yeah, I want nothing more than to get the cruelty of shopping over with, so while everyone else is orbiting the lot, I quick-like park, brisk-walk to the door and get in some cardio (need to work off the latte that’s making my heart race anyway), and dodge my way through the obstacle course of all those circling cars. But mostly I’d rather leave the closer spots for people who need it more, like moms with three kids (god, do I ever remember the stress of those days!), or the elderly, or the sick who need to get in and out of the pharmacy as quickly as possible.

Now, once I’m in the store I power-shop, frantically tossing who-knows-what into the cart and racing up and down the aisles like a mouse on crack in a maze. Yep, I’m that annoying gal swerving around your cart when you’re standing there minding your own business calmly studying labels. I’m that shopper that makes you go grrrrr!, the one who illegally darts out in front of you into the main aisle in order to get to the next frigging aisle like yesterday. (LOL, sorry ‘bout that, but I can’t help myself. It’s a sickness.)

Then, when I get to the checkout lanes five long minutes later ( grin ), I take a quick sweep of the checkers to see who’s zipping things across the scanner and who’s moving in slow motion. I take into account how much stuff people in front of me have in their carts, and how long the lines are, then I choose whichever lane I think will Get. Me. The. Hell. Out. Of. That. Madness. Like. Now.

BUT, once I’m back out in the parking lot and sensing relief ahead, nothing makes me grind my teeth and bring my two-ton shopping cart to a screeching halt like passing by an unauthorized person parking in a handicapped spot. I once witnessed—while firing up my evilest of all evil eyes—someone bound out of a car parked in a handicapped spot (no handicapped hangtag) and jog to the door. Meanwhile, an elderly woman (with a handicapped hangtag) shuffled along across the ice clutching a walker after being forced to take a regular spot fifty feet from the door. Yeah, illegal handicapped-parkers are a major pet peeve of mine. Burns me up.

So what are your top shopping pet peeves? Is it the vultures? The prices? Or the crowds? Hopefully it’s not short, blonde speed-shoppers making illegal shopping-cart U-turns and passing you at 90 mph in the dairy aisle. ( Sheepish Grin )

Titania Ladley is a multi-published, best-selling erotic romance author. Her newest Samhain release, KABANA HEAT, is a contemporary ménage set in Hawaii. Don’t miss this HOT love story! Mrs. Giggles on Kabana Heat: 90 and a Keeper, “…most charming naughty romp.” Please visit Titania at http://www.titanialadley.com/ for more.