Samhain Publishing Ltd Weblog

Age Differences

In a recent copy of Entertainment Weekly, I noticed a number of the blurbs in the marriages/divorces/births section showed a significant age difference between the man and woman, in both directions. This is fascinating to me, because I’ve long wanted to write an older woman/younger man story, but can never make myself write them more than 8 years apart. Still, the conflicts that can arise stir my writer’s juices.

Kevin Costner is 20 years older than his wife, who recently gave birth.

Hayden Pantierre, the cheerleader of HEROES fame, recently split with Milo Ventigmilia, also from HEROES, who is 12 years older than 19-year-old Hayden. (The show is in its 3rd or 4th season, so they met when she was jailbait. EWW.)

Mira Sorvino, 41, had a baby with her 27-year-old husband.

Since I’m 10 months younger than my dh, my only experience with significant age differences is my uncle’s marriage. My uncle’s second wife (they’ve been married more than 20 years) is closer to my age than his. (She won’t tell.) Because of this, she’s more interested in things of his generation than of mine. I have to wonder how often that happens, in such large age differences. When it comes down to daily things, memories, even what to watch on TV, how much do these couples have in common? I mean, Hayden was 10 when 9-11 occurred, and Milo was old enough to drink. My uncle went to VietNam before my aunt was even in grade school. How can meaningful experiences be shared? I suppose you create shared experiences, and that would be enough,

In addition, is there a power imbalance in these relationships? My dh and I are fairly equal, though I admit to having a touch more power. In my aunt and uncle’s relationship, he clearly has more power. I would venture the older partner would.

There’s likely some familial resistance to the situations as well. That conflict alone could keep a story going for awhile.

I’ve never been involved in such a relationship, and the closest example I have isn’t favorable. How hard is it to be in a relationship with a significant age difference? How do you overcome the obstacles?