Samhain Publishing Ltd, Ebooks and Books in Print

The next day I hooked up the computer and downloaded the main disk I’d been carrying around and avoiding for well over a year. A few moments later I wished I hadn’t. The first part was filled with medical terms I didn’t understand—Olivier’s formula. A long list of needs followed. Mainly it described the perfect subject needed for his experiment. His list read like my autobiography. Some of the things he was looking for were older age, fairly good health, strong heart and other vital organs still functioning properly, a bad cut or damage to the exterior of the body, someone who lived alone and wouldn’t be missed. He certainly had picked the right person. The daily information he added gave a running commentary on my progress and I could almost feel his greed coming out of the computer. In September he’d begun laying out the procedure he and Fleming would follow. In his conclusions I found the line that chilled me.

“Subject may perhaps never need to be injected again with the formula but there is a possibility the glands may not continue to function in the manner that has been achieved. The glands from the experimental prototype should be removed and a better formula can be made that will keep any future recipients of the solution perpetually young and healthy. This subject will of course be terminated. Dr. Fleming has objected to this. He believes we should keep him alive and continue our study.”

This type of information went on for a while and then he wrote, “DDT will never need another injection. He may remain young and healthy forever. He may grow old normally and eventually die a natural death or the glands may cease to function and he would probably die in a matter of days, perhaps hours.”

That’s the part that really scared the shit out of me. Satan stuck his ugly face right in the middle of the paradise I’d discovered.

Even if Toni found me to her liking, how could I ever ask her to share my life? Till that thought crossed my mind I hadn’t realized how quickly she’d already become a part of my plans for the future. I had no assurance she would ever feel that way about me, but deep in the recesses of my mind I had already decided I would try and win her. What a dilemma. If somehow she consented to spend her life with me, how long would that life be? If I let this opportunity at happiness slide by and I lived another seventy or eighty or even ninety years, how sad would that be? I tossed and turned all night.

In the morning I still didn’t know what to do. I knew I was thinking too far ahead. I had no proof Toni or any other woman would ever choose to spend their life with me. The next day after breakfast I went by her shop. The second I walked through the door she smiled at me, my mouth opened and I began talking. I swear I had no control over what came out. If I had one day, one year, or one hundred years with her I wanted what I could get. I wanted this lady in my life. Never before had I ever wanted or needed anyone and now it seemed all the years of doing without coalesced into a need for Toni. I thought, In for a penny in for a pound.

“I don’t want to bother you but I don’t have a thing to occupy my time. Do you know of a business around here that could use a partner? I know a young man who has a few bucks in his pocket and he really needs something to do.”

I hadn’t planned on saying anything like that. It just came out. Toni stared at me as I neared the counter where she was standing. I couldn’t read her face and I was not about to read her mind. Suddenly I felt awkward and stupid. What would she think of me? I’d known her just a few days and here I was saying really dumb things to her. Even if I had said these things with a smile and jokingly, which I thought I had, she would be insulted.

“I’m sorry, I was kidding with you,” I started.

“Really? Too bad. I happen to know of a computer store run by a poor, single lady who never gets any time off. Her books are in pretty good shape but any business can always use more operating capital. If the new partner happened to be a tall, dark, handsome man, all the better.”

I almost said whoopee. What a woman.

“You are serious, right?” I asked.

“Sure, are you?”

“Oh, yes. Never more serious in all my life.”

We worked out the details. She actually did need some help and I felt good doing something besides sitting and staring at walls. With the money I put into the business we were able to upgrade the merchandise and with the knowledge I brought to the enterprise and her expertise we were able to set up a free clinic. Every Friday night after we closed at seven, we offered anyone who was interested information about computers, how to use them and the many functions that could be accomplished beyond playing solitaire or simply looking at other people’s web sites. The parents were especially pleased as we showed their children what a useful tool for research a computer could be.

The days slipped by and I was happy, a new and strange emotion I had seldom felt. Suddenly it was December and people began decorating houses and businesses for the Christmas season. The town looked even more like a fairy tale town than before. I gave Toni a small chain bracelet I’d seen in the jewelry store and she gave me a wallet to replace the old one I’d “borrowed” from Arabie. I’d sent him four hundred in cash, from Houston, with no note and no return address. For a long time I hadn’t cared what day it was or even the month. I had heard about 9/11 peripherally, but at the time I had been thinking only of saving my ass. The outside world and its troubles seemed to come to me through a fogged-up window. I occasionally watched a news program and I realized the president was heating up toward a war. I didn’t care—none of it meant a thing to me. My days were spent in a soft, sweet mist nothing could penetrate. Toni and I discussed the work schedule and settled on a half-day each. Every other day meant I might not see her daily and I needed to be in her presence at least for a short time every day that came. On my days in the store I caught up on what I’d missed. Planes leveling two great office buildings, terrorists killing people because of hate and religion and talk of war filled the news sites I visited. The planet was in trouble and each day brought new dangers, but I felt completely apart from that world.

I lived in a warm cocoon of happiness and anticipation. I never tired of seeing Toni’s wonderful smile each day as she walked in to take over. I tried not to push, but I couldn’t prevent myself from inviting her to everything going on. She didn’t show any reluctance or hesitation, so we fell into a nice rhythm of work, ball games on Saturday night (the fellows played year around), and lazy Sundays at her place or mine, reading the Bakersfield newspaper, sipping coffee and relaxing. Now and then we went to the small movie theatre, if something we both wanted to see was showing.

We were not involved romantically although I desired that condition with all my heart. I knew she liked me but I didn’t know if she felt the same way. She was always sweet and I could see she cared for me as a human being, but did she desire more? I refused to use the mind scanning ability I had, it was too much like cheating or stealing. So I agonized when I was away from her and twisted in the wind when I was with her.
We went out to eat, usually in my old car, and I would always walk her to the door and she would peck me on the cheek. I wanted to grab her and kiss her deeply but I was afraid I would lose the relationship I had if I pushed for more.