An excerpt from

The Amorous Adventures of Sarah: Mayhem for Two

Copyright © 2007 Emy Naso

All rights reserved — a Samhain Publishing, Ltd. publication

Billy walked in, his fingers running through his curly sandy-colored hair. He nervously adjusted his Buddy Holly thick-rim spectacles, which was a trait he had when trying to find the right words.

The lady behind him quickly became an impatient woman in front.

“Who’s top dog? The name’s Elisha Heavenly.”

The speaker was a lady of around thirty-five years with a body ten years younger. The hair had an open account with the hairdresser, and the face was stunningly attractive.

Sarah just stared in amazement. Titan, fascinated by her reference to canine superiority and getting a nose full of expensive perfume, went to investigate. The lady’s expression showed her disinterest, not to say loathing, of inquisitive mutts. Billy stopped and looked at her, swept Titan up under his arm and with the free hand waved the woman into a seat.

She slipped the fur wrap from her shoulders, sat down and folded her legs. The deep cleavage and super-structured bosom was a compliment to engineering, and the short, tight skirt showed more available sun-tanned thigh than you could whistle at in a high-class bordello.

“Elisha Heavenly,” she repeated, as if the name should conjure up an immediate image. Billy smiled in a polite way. Sarah was still eyeing up the lady, trying to get a handle on her type. She rapidly thought Elisha of the heavenly body and name was the kind who men wanted to worship and other women would prefer to sacrifice.

“This is Greene Fields investigating agency, isn’t it?” Divine Thighs asked haughtily.

“Certainly is,” Billy piped up. Elisha turned her breasts at him and pointed them like a fully loaded bazooka. Sarah smiled to herself and thought if the lady knew Billy’s inclinations were attuned to dark-eyed male waiters, she’d put the safety catch back on that bosom.

“If it’s business, why don’t you tell us how you think we can help?” Sarah drew Heavenly’s attention, then added, “And there’s no top dog here. Me and my partner share everything—including the lipstick and eyeliner.” The last sardonic remark went over Elisha’s head.

“Okay,” Heavenly said through her practiced pouting lips. “I’ll cut to the chase. I’ve lost my husband.”

“Is that a bereavement or absent-minded carelessness?” Sarah asked with a poker face. The lady looked, and then decided a response would not be necessary.

“You must have heard of Heavenly Antiques? We have a renowned showroom on the outskirts of town.”

Sarah gave the lady a “go-on” look. Her own mind flashed back to her involvement with a guy called Ryan who was into antiques—that was, when he wasn’t trying to get into her panties.

“Two weeks ago my husband, Bingham, went missing.”

“Why not go to the police?” Billy asked.

The lady paused and said, “I do not want to involve the authorities because of the possible publicity. You see,” again a pause, “some very valuable jewelry given to me by my family has also gone missing.”

“And do you want us to find the gems or your husband…or both?” Sarah said through a nibbling of her lips in reaction to a curious feeling about the lady.

Elisha Heavenly was programmed to ignore sassy remarks.

“Whatever your fees are, I will double them and pay all expenses.”

“Sounds the sort of deal that could drag us away from a busy schedule,” Sarah said seriously, then grinned privately at Billy, knowing they hadn’t got any urgent work. There was one. A demented client who insisted aliens had captured his cat. Apart from that, their diary was as bare as a monkey’s ass.

Elisha Heavenly flicked an imaginary particle of dust off her blouse and asked, “So, will you take the case?”

Billy and Sarah nodded in unison. Titan gave a deep yawn.

“Good,” Heavenly crisply said. She got up, dabbing at her hair as she noticed a mirror on the wall and handed Sarah a file.

“There’s all the background info in there. And a note I have received from my husband, which might give you a clue to his whereabouts.”

She turned the super-tanker mighty breasts toward the door, gave Billy a stare which commanded him to open it, and left their apartment with a regal flourish of expensive clothes and perfume.

“Very strange,” Sarah at last said when she’d heard the door at the bottom of the stairs slam.

“Who, the lady?” Billy asked.

“No, her story. Why would a husband do a runner with his wife’s family gems…and then send a note to give her a clue where he was?”

Seeing Sarah flick through the file, Billy leaned over her shoulder.

“Not trying to look down my blouse, are you, mister?” Sarah mockingly asked. “If you have decided to take an interest in the female anatomy, then I reckon Elisha Heavenly’s bosom would be a place to start. Mind you, we’d have to send a search party in there to find you.”

Billy ruffled Sarah’s hair and affectionately kissed his best friend’s head.

“What’s the note say?” he asked.

“It’s as clear as mud.” Sarah sighed. “Listen to this. ‘Where baptism, a Dane and Maud meet, the lighthouse and lifeboat come together at the church and cornfield.’”

“Is that it?”

“Afraid so,” Sarah said with a scratch of her ear. “Not sure if the weird client with the abducted cat is less crazy than this case.”